Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Dear Callan...


Dear Callan,

So many memories I'm afraid I'll forget of your time in the NICU.  I wish I paused for a moment each day to write them down.  This one I'll never forget...One night when we were still not able to hold you... Daddy and I came to the hospital and we each took one of your hands.  We held a hand and they fed you my milk through a tube.  You were awake for the first time around us and looked at each of us.  Daddy stood on one side of your bassinet and I stood on the other.  We were so happy to have that moment with you. 

I have focused most of my time pumping milk for you or getting to the hospital to hold you.  When I'm not with you I do focus on your siblings.  Madison knows you are here, but I'm not sure she really KNOWS.  Tyler is oblivious....He's still a baby and requires a lot of my attention.  I have been nervous on how I'm going to give you all what you need.  Someone (wise I'm sure) once told me that the best gift you could give your children are siblings.  I do believe that because I am so thankful for the two I have.  I know even though you three are going to wear me out it will all be worth it!

Today I got wonderful amazing news.  You came off all your liters of air, and your tubes, and your oxygen.  They are watching you at the hospital, but you are off all those aids.  You are a normal baby!!!  You are tiny.  You are now five pounds something... but you are breathing room air and doing it all on your own!  You are taking a bottle and nursing!!

I washed all of Tyler's newborn clothes for you before you were born.  I bought you a few things of  your own and I remember thinking that you had so much!  I could put a new outfit on you every day and you wouldn't wear them all.  Guess what I found myself doing yesterday?  I was buying you something new.  You are so tiny I felt the need to buy you something that would fit you now.  Not later.. but now.  It was an outfit that was "up to 7lbs."   Tyler and Madison were both over seven pounds when they were born so I have nothing that small!  The NICU dresses you now.  All of the clothes they use are donations.  Guess where your new clothes are going to go when you outgrow them?  I told them today.. "DONE... Callan's clothes are coming to the NICU!" 

Callan.. my heart aches for you to be with me at all times.  I feel guilty when I'm not there with you.  Holding you.  Madison and Tyler still need me too.  So away from you I must be a lot during the day.  I'm afraid when you finally do come home I won't put you down.  You will be a "lap baby."  God has made me thankful.  I was afraid of having three.  Three babies under four, but now I am not afraid.  I am thankful.  I am thankful.... and we are so blessed.

Love,
Mama




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